Conservative radio show hosts are not the “base of the Republican party”

February 9, 2008 at 2:45 am (Rants)

Hey douchebags: just because four or five crackpot losers (and by crackpot losers I mean Anne Coulter, Rush Limbaugh etc.) hate John McCain, it does not mean that the “base” of the Republican party hates John McCain.

Who voted for John McCain? REPUBLICANS DID, THAT’S WHO! Obviously the “base” likes him because he is going to be Republican candidate.

Sometimes I feel like I’m educating kindergarten students here. This isn’t rocket science, folks. The majority of people voted for McCain, so therefore many Republican citizens in the US like him.  Five conservative talk show hosts can’t dictate for whom people vote nor do they represent the majority of the party.

Maybe Anne Coulter should spend less time getting her hate on for John McCain and more time worrying about her enormous adam’s apple.


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We Should Have Let the South Secede From the Union When We Had the Chance

February 7, 2008 at 8:27 pm (Rants)

The South is full of ignorant morons. I don’t want to live by their rules, nor should they have to live by mine. Why, exactly, do I have to be subjected to laws and rules that stem from the mind-blowingly dumb belief in the mythological character of Jesus? I honestly don’t understand.

If the South wants to be ignorant, uneducated, racist, homophobic, Jesus loving douchebags we should let them. Cut the South off from the rest of the United States and let everyone be happy. Seriously.

They should be their own country where they can wallow in their lust for slavery, the Bible, torture, and lynchings of Gays. Of course all of the people who currently live there who are not morons would have a grace period where they could come to the North and become automatic citizens for, say, two years. After that we should close the borders forever.

I can’t believe what a stellar opportunity the United States missed during the Civil War! What were we thinking? We had the chance then and we totally BLEW IT!

Now we have to suffer and DIE because of it. I say die because of all the ways that the majority of people from the South are murderers. They are murderers because of the people they actually murder because of being Gay or Black, but they are also murderers because Christianity has influenced our laws to block stem-cell research. Not to mention the suicide rate of Gays and transgendered people in the South.

The only good thing I can say about the South is that as ignorant as they are, even they know a Mormon can’t run the country, as evidenced by the fact that Mitt “Closet Case” Romney didn’t get any of the Fundamentalist Christian vote. Mormons are even lower and more vile than Fundamentalist Christians. While Fundamentalists believe in the mythology of the bible, what Mormons believe is so stupid that even Fundies know it’s stupid.  It’s like how in prisons, even murderers and rapists look down on child molesters.

I don’t want to suffer anymore. Will anyone join me on my quest to split the United States into two separate countries?

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To Lab Charter School, Orianna Street: Fuck off

February 1, 2008 at 9:02 pm (Rants) (, , , , )

February 1, 2008

Dear Sirs/Madams:

On many occasions I am severely delayed by your dismissal process. There is no reason why parents need to park directly in front of the school in the middle of the street in order to pick up their children. As far as I can tell from the vast amount of time I am sitting in my car behind these parents, most of them appear to be in good health, as do the children. Therefore I am unable to deduct why it is not possible for them to park one or two blocks away from the school and then walk to pick up their children. Perhaps if children in our country got a little more exercise of this nature, there would be less childhood obesity. In fact, some of the parents also look as if they could use a brisk walk as well.

I recently encountered a parent on 4th street while I was waiting the 20 minutes to make it to the stop sign at 4th and Brown, as he had parked there on 4th street and was loading his children into the car. I rolled my window down and had a nice chat with him (since I wasn’t going anywhere I had the time, you see.) I asked him “Sir, why don’t all the parents do what you do, instead of blocking up traffic on Orianna for a half hour?” He just shook his head and said “I know. It’s really rude how they do dismissal.”

Due to the above interaction I am fairly certain I’m not the only person who feels the way I do. Actually, judging from the cars honking behind and in front of me, I can say that definitively.

My question to you is how do I solve this problem? Clearly your school and the parents are in the wrong, as it is not legal to park in the middle of the street and block traffic. You do not have any permit to do so, and you are creating a huge hassle for hundreds of people every day. I am concerned though that because of today’s sense of entitlement, this letter will fall on deaf ears.

If you are not willing to solve this problem for me, please advise to whom else I can direct my concerns.


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Old woman in parking lot/Magnum Condoms

January 31, 2008 at 10:11 pm (Rants) (, , , )

It was wack. Me and my co-workers went to Reading Terminal today and we parked at the garage at 12th and Filbert. When we got done chowing down on Indian food, we were on the way to the car when we spotted a really old lady trapped (yes trapped) in a pathfinder. The alarm was going off. When she saw us she started pathetically knocking on the window and motioning us over. I just started laughing but Troy went over to try and help. She was like “I’m trapped and I can’t get out!” I felt really bad laughing, but it was like the Lifealert commercial. Anyway, Troy finally got the door open and I went over to talk to her. She was like 90 at least and looked to be foaming at the mouth. She was like “Do you know where my daughter is?” I was like “Noooooo, sorry.” I asked her if she needed any medical attention and she said no, then she said she thinks her daughter went to pay a bill “Because she was in jail.”

My question is, what kind of irresponsible asshole would leave their 90ish year old mom trapped in a Pathfinder in a parking garage??? The woman probably had Altzheimer’s. Man, that daughter is a bitch.

We drove down to the front office and I asked the attendant to send someone to check on the lady and he said he would. It was the best I could do under the circumstances.

Then Christi forced us to make an “emergency” stop at Rite Aid because she and Ryan have run out of Super Plus Ultra Gigantic Magnum condoms, even though we were already late for work. She made it a point to say that even the magnums are too small. Congratulations, Ryan!

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