We Should Have Let the South Secede From the Union When We Had the Chance

February 7, 2008 at 8:27 pm (Rants)

The South is full of ignorant morons. I don’t want to live by their rules, nor should they have to live by mine. Why, exactly, do I have to be subjected to laws and rules that stem from the mind-blowingly dumb belief in the mythological character of Jesus? I honestly don’t understand.

If the South wants to be ignorant, uneducated, racist, homophobic, Jesus loving douchebags we should let them. Cut the South off from the rest of the United States and let everyone be happy. Seriously.

They should be their own country where they can wallow in their lust for slavery, the Bible, torture, and lynchings of Gays. Of course all of the people who currently live there who are not morons would have a grace period where they could come to the North and become automatic citizens for, say, two years. After that we should close the borders forever.

I can’t believe what a stellar opportunity the United States missed during the Civil War! What were we thinking? We had the chance then and we totally BLEW IT!

Now we have to suffer and DIE because of it. I say die because of all the ways that the majority of people from the South are murderers. They are murderers because of the people they actually murder because of being Gay or Black, but they are also murderers because Christianity has influenced our laws to block stem-cell research. Not to mention the suicide rate of Gays and transgendered people in the South.

The only good thing I can say about the South is that as ignorant as they are, even they know a Mormon can’t run the country, as evidenced by the fact that Mitt “Closet Case” Romney didn’t get any of the Fundamentalist Christian vote. Mormons are even lower and more vile than Fundamentalist Christians. While Fundamentalists believe in the mythology of the bible, what Mormons believe is so stupid that even Fundies know it’s stupid.  It’s like how in prisons, even murderers and rapists look down on child molesters.

I don’t want to suffer anymore. Will anyone join me on my quest to split the United States into two separate countries?

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33 Comments

  1. Randolph said,

    I second your motion!

  2. EMILY said,

    I THIRD THE COMMOTION BABY

  3. Jennifer said,

    I will join you! I thought I was the only one who thought this. I’ve said over and over- this country could be so great if we could cut it off at the Mason Dixon line (but we’re keeping California with us here in the North). I think voters in the South would even go for it– they’re tired of putting up with us snobby Northerners too.

  4. Ops said,

    If you Yankees promise to go the hell back north, HELL YES!!!

  5. awake24hrs said,

    Signed, Foghorn Leghorn

  6. Ash said,

    wow. you people are seriously deranged

  7. justin said,

    I think your missing the big picture.

    Lincoln needed the South because of the revenue is created. He needed the good the South produced. He was smart when he invaded the Confederate States. In 1861 the South made roughly 18 million more dollars than the northern U.S.

    Businesses are moving down here in droves. International Paper moved it’s headquarters to Memphis just a few years ago.

    You shouldn’t judge a group of people by what some of that group does.

    That’s ignorant.

    “If there were no God there would be no athiests.” -G.K. Chesterton-

  8. awake24hrs said,

    Hi Justin-

    Chesterton was a writer of fiction and fantasy, so his quote does not surprise me 😉

    Here is my obligatory counter-quote “Men are much better at creating gods, then gods at creating men” -Voltaire

    It is not surpising that the south was making a lot more $ than the north in 1861, since…..um….they had an economy based on slave labor. They did not have to, or choose to pay a living wage to the people who were doing the work that drove that economy. They worked these people extreme hours, restricted them from leaving place of employment, whipped them when they expressed displeasure, worked them when they were sick, there was no retirement, only death. I contend that had the south not employed a slave based economy they would have been nothing more than subsistance farmers in 1861, with a much lower gross revenue.

    Since you brought up Memphis I recomend the Slavehaven Underground Railroad museum and the National Civil Rights Museum, which are both in Memphis and are rich resources to understand the residual human issues of a slave based economy.

  9. Luke said,

    Your ignorance of modern Southern culture is shocking. You are clearly a product of our violence obsessed media and strife driven politics. Your intolerance of others you neither have met nor understand is the exact cause of the racial and ethnic repression of the past century.

  10. Paul R said,

    I hope you realize that stem-cell research is not completely blocked. Just embryonic. Get your facts straight. Fat cells can provide stem cells as well, and you must know that the fattest states are in the south.

  11. jumbolia said,

    There were 5 slave states in the union you tool! Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves in the south, which he had no control over at the time. The 5 union slave states were allwoed to keep their slaves at that time to keep them in the union. You have a rather limited, uninformed, ignorant, hateful, and provincial attitude toward the south. I would like to personally invite you to dixie, or you can stay up north … a bastion of enlightenmient with people such as yourself!!

  12. Pewpiebut said,

    Wow! I cannot beleive i just read all of that. The person who wrote this article is clearly full of hatred and anger towards the South and it’s people. What did they ever do to you to make you the person that you are today? Maybe i don’t want to know.

    Hopefully you get some help before it’s too late.

  13. Dillon said,

    wow, whoever wrote this, enjoy burning in hell

  14. jeff said,

    wow you bastards fought so hard to keep us ignorant uneducated people in your union. i agree with you, let us go. let us have our own country and let us run it the way we want. i can take the name calling as long as you give us our FREEDOM. i think you really should lobby to your next puppet put in office to get rid of us pesty dumb Jesus loving homo haters! but like you said you had your chance and blew it!

  15. Reamy said,

    Wow, and you call the South ignorant? I dunno where this rant came from, but honestly that was the largest load of bigotry I’ve ever read. Bad-mouthing an entire region of the U.S? You need to go take a chill pill. Why don’t you go learn about your “ignorant, uneducated, racist, homophobic, Jesus loving douchebags” before you start making claims about people you have no idea about?
    And, are you not being a hater as well by slandering Mormons and Christians? That is a double negative of sorts don’t you think? Sure, throw in a little hypocrisy!

    One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others. ~Moliere

    How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis

  16. Kenneth Roberts said,

    I’m from Louisiana and I’m ready to succeed from the union, as long as the dumb ass that wrote this article stays up north.

    The word United States in other countries means tree hugging pu$$ies.
    This country is going the way of ROME, Burning down around us, and nobody seems to give a shit.
    The South can be a self sufficient, we have enough oil, gas & coil to last us a very long time.
    So just remember that the next time you fill up your tank or lite your heater, You know without fuel oil for your heaters, it will get real cold in the winter.

    And for the last note, I’M BUDDHIST, not everybody here is a Bible slapping dumb ass.

  17. Redneck with a cause said,

    you must be reading a different set of history books you fuckin dumb ass

    That’s what the civil war was about it had nothing to do with freedom of the slaves that was just a political ploy by Lincoln to get money and help from abolitionists for the Union Army. The Union was loosing the war and needed a boost. The south seceded from the Union, because they believed the State government/ law superseded Federal government/ law.

  18. shelby said,

    first of all, i think you mean “secede” instead of “succeed” in the title of this rant. second of all, the world’s view of america is not one of “tree hugging pussies,” rather a bunch of gun-wielding, bible-thumping rednecks, (mostly thanks to our current president) whether that image is accurate or not. the fact is, the civil war was fought over the protection of southern states’ rights, one of which was slavery.

    seems to me just about any region in the U.S. is just as provincial as anywhere else now. the south has a bad reputation gained by stupid crazy people who hang other people, and the north has a bad reputation thanks to stupid snobby people who write shit like the article above.

    united we stand, divided we fall.

  19. Josie Wales said,

    It seems as if some of you Yankees would like for the South to be released from the Union. I’ll go along with that, I would sign that paper. I am fed up with you liberals or blue states. It seems like a lot of Northerners are rednecks, according to the democrats. Is Pa. really a bunch of gun toting, Bible thumping rednecks as reported? If so we welcome you down South, where redneck means being honest, self sufficient and working for a living. We want to be left alone, we don’t want your government handouts, we can take care of ourself. A redneck will survive, we are tired of keeping you liberals free and giving you the right to be able to say these things. You wouldn’t last a month in this world without us rednecks. YES PLEASE do us a favor lets us go. My home’s in Alabama Southern born and breed.

  20. Frances Richardson said,

    I am a Texan and I totally agree with Josie from Alabama. The only thing I would add is that you have to keep the Muslim president you have elected . We will elect our own. It is my understanding the Muslim’s are required to kill all the infidels ( ones who do not keep their faith) so would like for them to start in the north and let us gun totting Christian faiths alone. Also, please note, the current financial crisis is due to actions by people in the northeast -NOT US DUMB SOUTHERNERS. GOD BLESS YOU NORTHERNERS

  21. Noah said,

    Hear hear. And then all the blacks move north for fear of slavery, we can put up a sign on the border that says…

    Welcome to the South, Where EVERYONE goes to Heaven*

    *except for Jews

  22. Rachel said,

    I think both groups have their positive and negative attributes. It’s stereotyping that gives each region a bad reputation. I’m from the North (specifically, Vermont), but like Josie Wales, I believe in honesty, self-sufficiency, and hard work. I also believe that the government needs to be there for people when they fall on hard times, and especially when it comes to health care; I care about families and education and the environment, too. The problem is that conservative values often revolve around personal interests like faith, abortion, family, constitutional rights, etc., while liberal values revolve around the environment , human rights, public policy, etc., so that leaves people who care about all of those things with no place to go.

    I just watched a news broadcast about gun sales going up because Obama was elected President. Apparently people are afraid he’s going to take away the Right to Bear Arms. Seriously people, our economy’s in shambles, we’re in two wars we can’t easily get out of, education in this country is a joke and we’re in dire need of alternative energy; do you really think he’s worrying about guns right now? Well, he might be, considering the recent threats to his life from a couple of guys from Tennessee. I still doubt that it’s his top priority this term.

    Anyway, the words “redneck” and “liberal” just get in the way. I think we can all agree that we want to live in a country that welcomes open discussion, allows for individual freedoms, and provides equal opportunities to children from both ends of the continent.

  23. Misplaced Rebel said,

    Being a child of the South and a resident of the North, I can honestly and fairly report that ignorance is distributed evenly between the two. The difference being the ignorant among the north is far more outspoken than its southern counterparts as illustrated by the author of this enlightening thread. I assure you, that inspite my thick southern accent, my IQ would dwarf your own. With that being said, I will lead the charge for Southern Secession and which ever southern state would be the first to dissolve this union of illusion shall be my next place of residence. What we should’ve done the first time is freed the slaves then fired on Ft. Sumter.

  24. self thinker said,

    here,s some wisdom for you. I can assure you that most ,if not all southern folks are now in THIS age abolishonist! and can be very tolerant if given the oppertunity . just don,t try to push us! just as you don,t like it, we don,t either. It seems statisticaly accurate that most hate crimes are committed by intolerant racist ,(HATERS) ! Can you guess which ethnic group i,m speaking of ? let me spell it out for you. blacks ,not whites . and don,t even fire back and cite oppression . they have as many or more opportunity to prosper as any group! and I,m glad. just leave us be. thats what you want . its what we want . people that hate like you ( WHITE OR BLACK OR HOMO)are why we have guns in our homes and GOD in our hearts . most of us down here wish the best for you and those who would side with you. NOW, let me make a hasty comment ! If we all can,t get along , and historicaly we can,t then…..if it were possible ,SURE lets draw a line somewhere and seperate ourselves . BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE ALL THE BLACKS that hate to your side!!!!!!! you seem to be so smart , you take all that are in prison ,( THEY are there in high #,s because they commit the most crimes.WORD!) and those that hate -and YOU deal with em . were tired of it! AND by the way ya,ll don,t seem to be doing very well soicially already. i.e. crime rates ,fiskal failure, and over all suicide rates just to name a very few! so shut the heck up! try to get along , cause if you try to push your beliefs on us we will fight! just like any group or individual should. YOU ARE JUST A SMALL JEALOUS INDIVIDUAL! I feel sorry for you ……..and would feel even more sorrow if you had a clue !!!! and …….still fill the way you do about a problem you could only appreciate if you grew up down here! as far as religion THIS is america GET over it!

  25. self thinker said,

    P.S. WHEN your new country inevitabily fails, implodes,ruins,and goes completly bankrupt , remember you made your own bed you sleep in it!

  26. Dan said,

    I am from the north, but to be completly honest with you i would much rather live in the south. the people are much less ignorant than the majority of the northern states, how can you feel bad towards hard working respectful people? unlike the businessmen that sit at their desks all day the so called REDNECKS are out busting their asses working real jobs. I dont know how i couldnt back the south especially since they dont care about stupid political correctness, but thats another argument…I support the south 100%

  27. Alex J said,

    Northern States also benefited and used slave labor. Thanks to your insolence America is FUBAR’d and it will be the job of us rednecks to restore your rights and freedoms once you realize they’ve been gone. Josie Wales and the like just know how things are. Many of the liberal sheep are just too smart for us ‘old thinkers’.

    My home is Toronto Canada born and bred. Even with all the liberalism and bullshit going on, I did my own research and concluded that Confederate States are obviously the ones who know how to live and prosper.

  28. George said,

    I think splitting up is a great idea. It’s not too late if both sides can agree on an amicable break-up. Let’s face it, we don’t have much in common. It’s like being in some strange, foreign culture when I’m down South. I have more in common with English-speaking Canadians than with Southerners. We don’t talk the same, don’t like the same music, and as far as politics goes, we are miles apart.

    People on both sides of the border would be much happier knowing their respective governments represent their values. They can spend all their treasure invading various Muslim countries for the next twenty years if they want to, while we spend ours on education and providing everyone with affordable heath care.

  29. Brian said,

    This is great. I’m totally for this. As matter fact, the south might pay you take CA with you. You will need the money! The North won’t let the south go, because they can’t afford to live on their own. CA is bankrupt and won’t be sending out people’s tax returns. NY, MA, and MI all in the same boat!

    You say the south is a dumb bunch of rednecks, but their states aren’t bankrupt you idiot.

  30. Tara said,

    halleluja!!

  31. AlvatonOutlaw said,

    Its people like you. For the reason why this country is in the shape its in. You really shouldn’t be preaching about shit that you have no education on. That is a ignorant moron . Judging by the way you talk you must be a liberal dumb ass. You for sure don’t know your history about the civil war and on judgment day,and that would be the day you go before Jesus Christ our Savior that I’m behind you in line and that I get to see you enter the pits of HELL and just remember this comment here just incase I am behind you on judgment day.”Hows this for your mythological character of Jesus.” The article that you wrote is more ignorant then anything that has happened in history. And enjoy your eternal life in the lakes of hell.

  32. Smart One said,

    Interesting how you say the South is ignorant and you can’t even spell “SECEDE” correctly. Bless the day we do secede and all of you ignorant, classless, white trash from the North can have your Big Government Socialist country.

  33. Jenny Cockrell said,

    We want NOTHING to do with the north and would LOVE to succeed from the union. PLEASE tell your northern brothers and sisters to QUIT relocating here with your attitude. One word you should think about….Jesus loves everyone….including you, which is a stretch and if you don’t believe in Him now….you will one day. Stay in the dark…it’s up to you….you do have free will!

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